I should open my eyes and look, but I hear the rustling, and I’m too scared to peek. Is it his jacket? What the fuck is the noise? The panic is taking over. I feel like I’m going to piss my pants, right here in my bed. I’m frozen with terror, and I don’t know if I can control my bladder. More rustling, and I feel a tickle on my head. Just a tiny movement of my hair. The urge to move my hand to check for a spider or something is overwhelming, kept in check only by the fact that I am frozen by. I wanted to be strong for her, but I kept sobbingabout how I didn't want to be a girl. She told me to go to sleep, andthat we would talk about it in the morning. Tuesday December 22Three days before Christmas, and I am walking around like a zombie. Sois Sarah. At least she doesn't have to deal with a sex change on topof her parents' divorce.Mom took me to see a doctor this afternoon. It was a woman, and I wasso embarrassed when I put on a paper gown and waited for her in theexamination room.. He opened the door and slipped inside.Chad called from upstairs. "That you, Jeff?" Yeah. Be right up." He grabbed a cola from the refrigerator as walkedthrough the kitchen and headed up the stairs. Chad was waiting.Chad Barstow was a senior. He was 19 and had been in the rod since amonth after he turned 18. His last rod had been over a week ago. Butthat was not what he was interested in. Chad was a brain and Jeffneeded help with History. They had arranged his help for 20 minutes. I asked, "What kin I do fer ya, Friend?"He said, "My boss thinks ya cheated at the poker game ya just left, an' he wants his money back."I have ta admit that I was dumbfounded. I do not know how it would have been possible for me ta cheat, but I was really pissed at the accusation. "Look here, Mister. I ain't never cheated at poker an' I am sure that I never will. Ya go back an' tell yer boss that he is awful close ta gittin' himself shot fer talkin' like that." Ya don't understand. Ifen ya do.
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